Top 10 Traits Of A Great Christian Girlfriend

By Lee Wilson
Number 10 - She's independent
No, I don't mean that she's a radical feminist or an arrogant loudmouth. I mean that she is confident, optimistic and doesn't require you in her world every second to maintain her sanity. She misses you when you aren't with her, but she knows she will survive. She knows that there are some things that are outside of her control and she's not going to pout or worry about them. She enjoys time with her friends and isn't hurt if you want to spend an evening playing X-box with your buds.

Number 9 - She's complimentary of your looks
If you're always telling her how beautiful you think she is and all she can say is "thank you," you're in trouble. A great Christian girlfriend tells you how hot she thinks you look in THAT shirt and might even be overheard telling her friends how handsome she thinks you look. She introduces you to her friends with lines such as, "this handsome fella is my boyfriend," or jokingly says things like "you can't have him, he's mine." You know what I'm talking about, those things that some girls have forgotten make us guys feel good too.

Number 8 - She's attracted to you sexually
That's right, SEXUALLY. Don't panic. What I'm about to say might be a little bit controversial, but I think you'll agree with me if you read all of this one. We're all grown-ups here and I'm not advocating that you have sex before you get married. But if it's easy for her to just sit there and hold your hand, you might want to reconsider. The apostle Paul said it's "better to marry than to burn with passion." That means that if you can't stand it and are having difficulty controlling yourself, you need to marry that person or be done with the relationship. So if you two are an "item" and have been for a while, that natural urge God placed within humans should start to kick in. If she doesn't seem to at least wish the two of you could go further than a passionate kiss, you might need to read the writing on the wall. The last thing you want is a sexually-uninterested wife. It's normal for you and her to have to fight that urge. It's not supposed to be easy. She should want you that way and if she doesn't, MOVE ON.

Number 7 - She's beautiful
Yeah, yeah, I know it's popular to say that inner beauty is all that matters. Well it doesn't. There I said it. She needs to be beautiful in your eyes. If you think she's beautiful and someone else things she's ugly, so what? You win! If you think she's beautiful on the outside and the inside, you've found the perfect combination.

Number 6 - She respects you
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me! She doesn't roll her eyes at you. She doesn't mock you for thinking differently on some issue. She respects your opinion. She doesn't go to daddy to see if you really know what you're talking about. She doesn't tell your secrets to other people. She is able to recognize your strengths and admires you for them.

Number 5 - She lets you be a man (and likes it)
She understands that men and women are different. No, you don't want to go to the antique museum with her and she should know that you probably never will like it a whole lot. She should be able to recognize that when you do go it's because you love her very much and are making a sacrifice. She doesn't want you to "get in touch with your feminine side" and understands that sometimes you really aren't thinking about anything in particular. Lastly, she doesn't deprive you of golfing with the guys (or whatever you like to do with your buds). She doesn't think her shopping trips with the girls are not more mature or sophisticated than your time with the boys.

Number 4 - She doesn't nag
There is nothing worse than a nag! A great girlfriend knows this and chooses her battles wisely. She's knows you two are on the same team and so she doesn't try to be your teacher or mother--she just listens and tries to see your side.

Number 3 - She gets along with your friends & family
A great girlfriend will not only help your mom in the kitchen, listen to your dad's stories, and hang out with your friends, she will enjoy it. She'll make a real effort to get to know and love the most important people in your life. And she won't try to get you to ditch your best buds. She'll sit through your little brother's elementary play and go to your little sister's piano recital. Not only that, but your friends won't roll their eyes and moan when you announce that she'll be joining you guys when she gets off work (yes, women like this do exist).

Number 2 - She loves you
"She likes me for me!" That's a great line from a Blessed Union of Souls' song called, Hey Leonardo. That makes a great Christian girlfriend. She likes you for who you really are and not who you might sometimes pretend to be. She doesn't try to change you. She thinks you look cute in that old baseball hat and she made a decision to learn a few things about football. She treats you well on an everyday basis and doesn't play mind games with you such as playing "hard to get" or insulting you in some strange attempt to flirt with you. No, she loves you in a mature way and takes your feelings and beliefs into consideration at every turn.

Number 1 - She makes you want to be closer to God
No, she doesn't nag you about how you should be singing louder in church or shouldn't take a bite of your steak before saying "grace." In fact, she doesn't have to say anything to make you want to be closer to God. It's the way she treats you. It's that strange feeling of guilt that recently started coming over you for tripping your sister when you were a boy. It's why you want to thank God every time you think of her. Maybe it's love!

Guys, if you find a girl with all these traits...marry her!

Being A Single Christian And Handling The Need For Sex

BY: Layla Velasquez

Christian singles face a rather unique predicament. Culture floods them with a torrent of sexual images, ideas, and thoughts, encourages the free indulgence of desire, and even scorns them for refraining. The church, however, requires purity and celibacy, and shames them for indulgence. There seems little to bridge this disconnect, leaving God-fearing singles confused and frustrated.

The Need for Sex

Aside from the physical euphoria, sex satisfies a longing for intimacy. In Revelations of a Single Woman, Connally Gilliam says perhaps sex reflects a longing for eternity, a longing to connect. She writes about a cultural need to understand things by touching. If people can touch it and experience it, they can know it. Inside singles, there is “a longing for loving, restful intimacy – to know and be known.”

In Sex and the Soul of a Woman, Paula Rinehard talks about the psychological reactions during sex. Oxytocin is the hormone that allows people to feel close and intimate. During sex, oxytocin levels skyrocket and the partners bond. Further, during sex, women feel such a heightened vulnerability that can, “piece by piece, heal anything that is broken and fragmented inside.”

If sex is this bonding, healing, pleasure experience, it seems the lack of sex would cause a single adult to feel incomplete, unfulfilled, broken and alone. It is no wonder singles desperately seek such satisfaction. However, Christians must wrestle with another factor.

The Christian Approach Toward Sex

Traditionally, the church mandates celibacy. This comes from several Scriptures, including 1 Thess. 4:3-8. Many single adults, however, find this standard unrealistic. Those who attempt it frequently cannot sustain it. This leads to guilt-ridden relationships, and propagates the downfall of many otherwise good Christians. Some modern Christians have adopted other approaches toward sex.

Some reduce sexual purity to a technicality. They deem intercourse immoral, but all other sex acts permissible. However, the dangerous psychological boundaries have already been crossed. They attempt to follow the letter of the law, without the heart. In Boundaries in Dating, Dr. Henry Cloud writes, “It is difficult to keep someone out of your heart, who has invaded your body.”

Other Christians forbid casual sex, but condone it in a committed relationship. Unfortunately, sex outside of marriage creates fuzzy thinking and prohibits partners from viewing the relationship properly. The lack of commitment can also make singles feel taken advantage of and used. Frequently, even if a marriage results, the partners find difficulty trusting one another. Gilliam notes that if the relationship does not last, the break-up can be catastrophic. “If sex is this super-mega bonding agent, then the gluing together and ripping apart – one time, or many, in isolation or in bulk, can only do damage.”

In a Washington Post editorial, secular therapist Patricia Dalton writes, “I am convinced that breakups are much harder when unmarried couples have had sex to bring them closer. That’s what sex is supposed to do, after all, in evolutionary terms – promote pair bonding and thereby provide a secure environment for their offspring.”

How Should Christian Singles Then Live?

If sex is such a deep need, and single Christians cannot participate, then how should they then live? The church provides few answers, most of which seem largely insufficient, save for a few notable exceptions.

An increasing number of Christians, particularly young people, believe modern thinking, as propogated by media, is too far removed from "Godly thinking." They decide the way to maintain Godly thinking is to remove media's influence in their lives. They shun TV, movies, and non-Christian music. They report clearer thinking, and closer communion with God. Singles already living this lifestyle may find Godly relationships easier, as they are not as inundated with sexual messages. However, many may find this lifestyle confining and legalistic.

Gilliam offers another interesting answer. She notes that perhaps consumerism has turned sex and relationships into getting, rather giving. Perhaps if singles learn to adapt to a lifestyle of selfless giving, they can find fulfillment. If sexual desire reflects a need to connect, perhaps a selfless lifestyle of connecting can satisfy the need.

Finally, some Christians suggest living in a community of believers. The Bible outlines the church’s role as a community of believers. In Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller talks about living in community, and stresses the importance of singles to avoid isolationism. Singles adequately surrounded with a supportive family of believers, are well-equipped to handle temptation – sexual or otherwise. According to this approach, singles should not live unsupported, but in community.

Many unanswered questions surround the topic of sex and Christian singles. Is sexual purity possible? What does purity mean? What should Christians do with desire? How does a Christian maintain a Godly adult relationship? These questions, while messy, cannot remain unanswered. Many believe that if the church does not answer them, culture will.

Read more at Suite101: Sex and the Christian Single: An Honest Look at Purity, Celibacy, and Godly Relationships http://www.suite101.com/content/sex-and-the-christian-single-a213372#ixzz1DERRxNdR