Single But not Alone - Dr. Myles Monroe Pt 4-6

Dr. Monroe talks about the advantages of being single.

Single But Not Alone Video- Rev Myles Monroe Pt 1-3

Listen As Dr. Myles Monroe speaks on not feeling lonely just because you are single.

Top 10 Traits Of A Great Christian Girlfriend

By Lee Wilson
Number 10 - She's independent
No, I don't mean that she's a radical feminist or an arrogant loudmouth. I mean that she is confident, optimistic and doesn't require you in her world every second to maintain her sanity. She misses you when you aren't with her, but she knows she will survive. She knows that there are some things that are outside of her control and she's not going to pout or worry about them. She enjoys time with her friends and isn't hurt if you want to spend an evening playing X-box with your buds.

Number 9 - She's complimentary of your looks
If you're always telling her how beautiful you think she is and all she can say is "thank you," you're in trouble. A great Christian girlfriend tells you how hot she thinks you look in THAT shirt and might even be overheard telling her friends how handsome she thinks you look. She introduces you to her friends with lines such as, "this handsome fella is my boyfriend," or jokingly says things like "you can't have him, he's mine." You know what I'm talking about, those things that some girls have forgotten make us guys feel good too.

Number 8 - She's attracted to you sexually
That's right, SEXUALLY. Don't panic. What I'm about to say might be a little bit controversial, but I think you'll agree with me if you read all of this one. We're all grown-ups here and I'm not advocating that you have sex before you get married. But if it's easy for her to just sit there and hold your hand, you might want to reconsider. The apostle Paul said it's "better to marry than to burn with passion." That means that if you can't stand it and are having difficulty controlling yourself, you need to marry that person or be done with the relationship. So if you two are an "item" and have been for a while, that natural urge God placed within humans should start to kick in. If she doesn't seem to at least wish the two of you could go further than a passionate kiss, you might need to read the writing on the wall. The last thing you want is a sexually-uninterested wife. It's normal for you and her to have to fight that urge. It's not supposed to be easy. She should want you that way and if she doesn't, MOVE ON.

Number 7 - She's beautiful
Yeah, yeah, I know it's popular to say that inner beauty is all that matters. Well it doesn't. There I said it. She needs to be beautiful in your eyes. If you think she's beautiful and someone else things she's ugly, so what? You win! If you think she's beautiful on the outside and the inside, you've found the perfect combination.

Number 6 - She respects you
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me! She doesn't roll her eyes at you. She doesn't mock you for thinking differently on some issue. She respects your opinion. She doesn't go to daddy to see if you really know what you're talking about. She doesn't tell your secrets to other people. She is able to recognize your strengths and admires you for them.

Number 5 - She lets you be a man (and likes it)
She understands that men and women are different. No, you don't want to go to the antique museum with her and she should know that you probably never will like it a whole lot. She should be able to recognize that when you do go it's because you love her very much and are making a sacrifice. She doesn't want you to "get in touch with your feminine side" and understands that sometimes you really aren't thinking about anything in particular. Lastly, she doesn't deprive you of golfing with the guys (or whatever you like to do with your buds). She doesn't think her shopping trips with the girls are not more mature or sophisticated than your time with the boys.

Number 4 - She doesn't nag
There is nothing worse than a nag! A great girlfriend knows this and chooses her battles wisely. She's knows you two are on the same team and so she doesn't try to be your teacher or mother--she just listens and tries to see your side.

Number 3 - She gets along with your friends & family
A great girlfriend will not only help your mom in the kitchen, listen to your dad's stories, and hang out with your friends, she will enjoy it. She'll make a real effort to get to know and love the most important people in your life. And she won't try to get you to ditch your best buds. She'll sit through your little brother's elementary play and go to your little sister's piano recital. Not only that, but your friends won't roll their eyes and moan when you announce that she'll be joining you guys when she gets off work (yes, women like this do exist).

Number 2 - She loves you
"She likes me for me!" That's a great line from a Blessed Union of Souls' song called, Hey Leonardo. That makes a great Christian girlfriend. She likes you for who you really are and not who you might sometimes pretend to be. She doesn't try to change you. She thinks you look cute in that old baseball hat and she made a decision to learn a few things about football. She treats you well on an everyday basis and doesn't play mind games with you such as playing "hard to get" or insulting you in some strange attempt to flirt with you. No, she loves you in a mature way and takes your feelings and beliefs into consideration at every turn.

Number 1 - She makes you want to be closer to God
No, she doesn't nag you about how you should be singing louder in church or shouldn't take a bite of your steak before saying "grace." In fact, she doesn't have to say anything to make you want to be closer to God. It's the way she treats you. It's that strange feeling of guilt that recently started coming over you for tripping your sister when you were a boy. It's why you want to thank God every time you think of her. Maybe it's love!

Guys, if you find a girl with all these traits...marry her!

Being A Single Christian And Handling The Need For Sex

BY: Layla Velasquez

Christian singles face a rather unique predicament. Culture floods them with a torrent of sexual images, ideas, and thoughts, encourages the free indulgence of desire, and even scorns them for refraining. The church, however, requires purity and celibacy, and shames them for indulgence. There seems little to bridge this disconnect, leaving God-fearing singles confused and frustrated.

The Need for Sex

Aside from the physical euphoria, sex satisfies a longing for intimacy. In Revelations of a Single Woman, Connally Gilliam says perhaps sex reflects a longing for eternity, a longing to connect. She writes about a cultural need to understand things by touching. If people can touch it and experience it, they can know it. Inside singles, there is “a longing for loving, restful intimacy – to know and be known.”

In Sex and the Soul of a Woman, Paula Rinehard talks about the psychological reactions during sex. Oxytocin is the hormone that allows people to feel close and intimate. During sex, oxytocin levels skyrocket and the partners bond. Further, during sex, women feel such a heightened vulnerability that can, “piece by piece, heal anything that is broken and fragmented inside.”

If sex is this bonding, healing, pleasure experience, it seems the lack of sex would cause a single adult to feel incomplete, unfulfilled, broken and alone. It is no wonder singles desperately seek such satisfaction. However, Christians must wrestle with another factor.

The Christian Approach Toward Sex

Traditionally, the church mandates celibacy. This comes from several Scriptures, including 1 Thess. 4:3-8. Many single adults, however, find this standard unrealistic. Those who attempt it frequently cannot sustain it. This leads to guilt-ridden relationships, and propagates the downfall of many otherwise good Christians. Some modern Christians have adopted other approaches toward sex.

Some reduce sexual purity to a technicality. They deem intercourse immoral, but all other sex acts permissible. However, the dangerous psychological boundaries have already been crossed. They attempt to follow the letter of the law, without the heart. In Boundaries in Dating, Dr. Henry Cloud writes, “It is difficult to keep someone out of your heart, who has invaded your body.”

Other Christians forbid casual sex, but condone it in a committed relationship. Unfortunately, sex outside of marriage creates fuzzy thinking and prohibits partners from viewing the relationship properly. The lack of commitment can also make singles feel taken advantage of and used. Frequently, even if a marriage results, the partners find difficulty trusting one another. Gilliam notes that if the relationship does not last, the break-up can be catastrophic. “If sex is this super-mega bonding agent, then the gluing together and ripping apart – one time, or many, in isolation or in bulk, can only do damage.”

In a Washington Post editorial, secular therapist Patricia Dalton writes, “I am convinced that breakups are much harder when unmarried couples have had sex to bring them closer. That’s what sex is supposed to do, after all, in evolutionary terms – promote pair bonding and thereby provide a secure environment for their offspring.”

How Should Christian Singles Then Live?

If sex is such a deep need, and single Christians cannot participate, then how should they then live? The church provides few answers, most of which seem largely insufficient, save for a few notable exceptions.

An increasing number of Christians, particularly young people, believe modern thinking, as propogated by media, is too far removed from "Godly thinking." They decide the way to maintain Godly thinking is to remove media's influence in their lives. They shun TV, movies, and non-Christian music. They report clearer thinking, and closer communion with God. Singles already living this lifestyle may find Godly relationships easier, as they are not as inundated with sexual messages. However, many may find this lifestyle confining and legalistic.

Gilliam offers another interesting answer. She notes that perhaps consumerism has turned sex and relationships into getting, rather giving. Perhaps if singles learn to adapt to a lifestyle of selfless giving, they can find fulfillment. If sexual desire reflects a need to connect, perhaps a selfless lifestyle of connecting can satisfy the need.

Finally, some Christians suggest living in a community of believers. The Bible outlines the church’s role as a community of believers. In Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller talks about living in community, and stresses the importance of singles to avoid isolationism. Singles adequately surrounded with a supportive family of believers, are well-equipped to handle temptation – sexual or otherwise. According to this approach, singles should not live unsupported, but in community.

Many unanswered questions surround the topic of sex and Christian singles. Is sexual purity possible? What does purity mean? What should Christians do with desire? How does a Christian maintain a Godly adult relationship? These questions, while messy, cannot remain unanswered. Many believe that if the church does not answer them, culture will.

Read more at Suite101: Sex and the Christian Single: An Honest Look at Purity, Celibacy, and Godly Relationships http://www.suite101.com/content/sex-and-the-christian-single-a213372#ixzz1DERRxNdR

Being Single and Christian

BY Mogama
It is a common thing for us to assume that a single person is missing something or missing someone. We tend to want to help the single person become complete by playing matchmaker, trying to hook them up. At other times, we pray profusely for this or that single person to find that right person. We pray for these two singles to find one another, because in our minds they would make such a nice couple. Sometimes we are just too busy running our own little eHarmony dot com, sizing singles up in order to match them up.

But in our undying zeal to see singles become couples, could we be practicing unbiblical conduct? Here is what I mean. It is true that the Bible honors marriage (Hebrews 13:4), and the Bible uses marriage as a working model of the covenant relationship between God and His people (Isaiah 54:5; Jeremiah 31:31-32; Hosea 2:2), or between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Yet nowhere does the Bible ever portray being single as something less than normal or less desirable. The Bible does not speak of singles as incomplete people who need marital partners to complete them.

On the contrary, the Scriptures tend to praise singles. One way the Bible uplifts singlehood for God's people is the sheer inclusion of so many prominent Bible characters who were single for life or widowed without remarriage. Among these godly singles are Elijah, Daniel, Jeremiah, John the Baptist, Jesus, Paul and Barnabas, as well as widows like Naomi in the Book of Ruth, and Anna, the saintly woman who was 84 years of age when the Baby Jesus was dedicated in the Temple (Luke 2:36-38).

Besides parading prominent single characters, the Bible reveals some important truths about being single and godly. Let me share four of those:

1. Yahweh (God) is the Lover of the single ( Hosea 2:19-20 ). The single person can relate to God as his/her dependable Lover. God's love for the single person is always unconditional, unlike the love one may get from a typical human lover. How many singles have abandoned singlehood for marriage only to find love with all kinds of strings attached and to be disillusioned by the marital experience? If God intended for you to be single, then He alone can fill your deepest need for unconditional love. Don't reach for a substitute in another human being. Don't let your married friends fool you; marriage is often not the Paradise or panacea you think it is. Don't get me wrong; marriage can be a great life, but it has its own batch of troubles that may shock singles.
2. Celibacy is a spiritual gift. God has given some people the ability to remain single. Celibates are spiritually empowered to keep the sex drive muted or tuned down to the point where they do not strongly feel the need to gratify their sexual desire. Jesus Christ, the most famous single person ever, had the gift of celibacy, and He made it clear there were others with that spiritual gift ( Matthew 19:12 ). The Apostle Paul said he had the gift of celibacy as well ( 1 Corinthians 7:7-8 ).

There are two categories of celibates: primary and secondary. Jesus Christ was a primary celibate, because He never married or experienced sex at all, contrary to what some novelists would have us believe. Naomi and Anna, on the other hand, practiced secondary celibacy; they received the ability to refrain from sexual activity after being previously sexually active. Thus a widow or divorcee who remains single without the need to fulfill herself sexually is a secondary celibate.

Christ made it clear that a person, out of devotion to the Kingdom of God, can choose to be celibate (Matthew 19:12). In that case, such a devotee is likely to ask God for the power of celibacy, and God will grant that ability. The New Testament teaches that it is perfectly fine to desire a particular spiritual gift (1 Corinthians 12:31).

It should be strongly noted that celibacy cannot be manufactured, short of castration or some other physical operation on the sex organ. For example, religion has tried to require celibacy of priests, but priests who do not have the spiritual gift of celibacy will find other ways to meet their sexual needs, unless those sexually potent priests were castrated. Once the flame of sexual passion starts burning within the hearts of those clergymen, they may masturbate, have sex with females and father children under cover, or they may sexually molest underage children.

Those who lack the gift of celibacy, or who have not been surgically neutered, will find ways to express and fulfill themselves sexually, thus making a mockery of celibacy, and bringing shame on the name of the Savior and of His Church. It would serve the cause of the Church more nobly if singleness were an option rather than a requirement for the priesthood, so as to minimize the sex crimes committed by clergymen who lack the spiritual gift of celibacy.

3. The Bible recommends singleness. This may seem or sound strange in light of the Bible's strong support for marriage. But it's true, the Bible actually encourages a Christian to remain single, if that person has the gift of celibacy. Such a person need not force the issue of marriage just to avoid the stereotype of being single (1 Corinthians 7:1-2,8-9).

However, Christian singleness is not to be used as an option of convenience in the interest of personal space or not wanting to deal with another person within marriage. Christian singleness precludes sexual purity as a condition for the single person to please the Lord in his/her sex life. Thus singleness with sexual activity is not what the Scriptures commend. This makes singleness for Christians the exception, not the rule, since most of us are sexually driven enough to seek sexual fulfillment with others.

4. There is such a thing as The Single Advantage. The Bible teaches that the Christian single can have a singular devotion to Jesus Christ. The Christian single has an advantage over the married Christian when it comes to total focus on the things of God. This single focus on the Lord may result in greater happiness for the Christian single as compared to the married Christian who is often distracted by marital obligation and issues.

The Apostle Paul claimed to have enjoyed this advantage in his own ministry. He wrote, In all you do, I want you to be free from worry. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please him. But a married man can't do that so well; he has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. It is the same with a girl who marries. She faces the same problem. A girl who is not married is anxious to please the Lord in all she is and does. But a married woman must consider other things such as housekeeping and the likes and dislikes of her husband. I am saying this to help you, not to try to keep you from marrying. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few other things as possible to distract your attention from him... in my opinion she will be happier if she doesn't marry again... ( 1 Corinthians 7:32-35,40 , LVB).


It helps to understand that Paul's strong preference for the single life was due in part to the prevailing persecution, which Paul called "the present distress", being leveled against Christians at that time (1 Corinthians 7:26). Also, Paul recommended singleness due to his strong belief, at the time he wrote his first letter to the Corinthian Church, that Jesus Christ would return in his lifetime and the world would shortly come to an end. Thus he even advised married Christians to behave as if they were not married. Paul wrote, But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none ( 1 Corinthians 7:29 , NKJV).

Without the constraints of persecution and a sense of the imminent end of the world, which Paul felt at that time, it is safe to say that the biblical basis for a Christian choosing the single life should be on the basis of celibacy, which is a spiritual gift, and because one wants to serve Jesus Christ with undivided attention.