Naomi's Darkest Times Child Abuse and Neglect Christian Testimony

Naomi's Darkest Times

I would like to share just a part of my testimony in hopes that someone, even just one person, will believe that there is a God and that he is merciful and faithful, in spite of our human faults and wrong doings.

I am 37, and most of my life has been filled with disappointment and tragedy. Much of it was caused by my own wrong choices. Although I was exposed to the church at a very young age and saved at age five, I did not follow that path much of my life.

Memories of Child Abuse and Neglect

I had a very abusive childhood. I experienced rejection, loneliness, and physical and emotional abuse. From a very young age, my sister and I have bad memories. We were often homeless and moved around a lot. My parents split up when I was 9, and right before that, I saw something so awful that it remained bitterly engrained in my memory until just recently when I made the choice to forgive and put it in God's hands.

Anyway, after my parents split, things only got worse. I was no longer under my father's iron fisted control, and could be labeled "damaged goods." My mother tried to reach me, but I became impossible. We were poorer than we had ever been. My mom got on welfare, and we lived on the worst side of Tucson, Arizona—right in the middle of gang territory in a dumpy trailer with roaches everywhere.

I began smoking pot and cigarettes, drinking, and hanging out with people much older than me. I became violent, stealing from stores and fighting with my mom. We moved to a different trailer in the same park that was even worse. My mom was gone a lot. We we were hungry; once I went door to door asking for money so my sisters and I could eat.

Building Anger and Resentment

I was molested for the third time in a year, and I couldn't tell anyone. So, I exposed all of my anger and rage to anyone in my path. I was filled with hate and resentment. My self-esteem was shot.

I could go on and on, but to make a very long story short, as I grew into a teen, I grabbed at about anything I could get my hands on. At 14, I was violently raped, yet still I didn't learn. By that time we were living in a small town in Montana, and trouble followed me everywhere.

My mother tried group homes and counseling, but nothing worked. I was impossible. At 16, I got involved in a very abusive relationship with a guy who was three years older than me. That began a pattern of many violent relationships with men—one in which I was almost killed.

Mad at God

I've endured the pain and humiliation of being homeless; I've been raped, abused drugs and alcohol, been in depression, abusive relationships, had to give up my son in 1995, been in mental hospitals, had breakdowns ... you name it! I even tried suicide four times.

I was so angry at God. I couldn't understand why he continued to let me live. Yet, through it all, in the darkest times of my life, he remained by my side, even though I rejected him.

Then, about three years ago, God finally put me in a place where I had no choice but to focus on him, and only him. I met a wonderful man, who, of course, God had put in my life.

Turning to God

I was a single parent with a six-year-old daughter. I was heading down the same path of alcohol and bad relationships. But this time, I chose to turn to God, even though I felt worthless to the world and in my own eyes.

God did something miraculous when I met Tony; I left my old life behind. Thank God for sending me this beautiful Christian man! God is first and foremost, but he used Tony to help me. A few times I slipped with the alcohol, but Tony would say, "I don't like you when you drink!" Suddenly, my desire for alcohol was completely gone. Just the smell of it makes me sick now.

I would like to tell you my full testimony, but it would take too long, so, in closing, I'll share a couple of things I've learned.

We can look into the eyes of death and darkness, we can be crippled with pain, even blind and destitute, but there is nothing God cannot heal! If the Lord had not allowed me to live, I would not be here to experience the blessings I now know in this life. These are blessings the enemy had robbed me of for 37 years.

Also, let me encourage you to make the choice to forgive yourself as well as those who have hurt you. I have learned that forgiveness is the greatest step toward total healing!

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