Is It Cheating If Your Aren't Married

As I closed my laptop and prepared to conclude the meeting between my client and I, I brought up a question in which I continue to go back and forth with. “Is it cheating if you aren’t married?”

The topic surfaced when I asked my sister for some relationship advice when I wondered if a boyfriend was cheating on me. My sister said since we weren’t married I shouldn’t expect a boyfriend to be faithful. I didn’t like her advice so I turned to the Bible, but it only addresses marriage.

My client (who happens to be a pastor) chuckled slightly and paused. I could tell he didn’t want to give me the wrong answer. He knows that I am in a relationship with a longtime boyfriend and he wanted to make sure he gave wise counsel. Finally, he saids, “Who is it that you are trying to please? Once you answer that, you have the answer to your question.”

That wasn’t the answer I was looking for. I was hoping he would answer with a “Yes or No” and give a brief reasoning behind his answer. Instead, he gave me an answer that was more like a “Karate Kid” type of ancient Chinese proverb.

Once I began to really think about his answer, it made sense.

I repeated the question to myself: “Who is it that you are trying to please? ”

The answer was obvious – God.

I love the Lord. My true loyalty is to God and what saith the Lord. When you are cheating in a relationship you are engaging in an act that is dishonest and deems you untrustworthy. Cheating requires one to be sneaky and deceitful. Both of these characteristics are ungodly. If you are trying to please God then engaging an act that is not of Christ is totally wrong.

Romans12: 9-10 says:
Marks of the True Christian
9 tLet love be genuine. uAbhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 vLove one another with brotherly affection. wOutdo one another in showing honor.

So is it cheating if you aren’t married? For me, it’s cheating on my relationship with Christ. I long to please God and if my actions are dishonest then that goes against all my beliefs and values. I believe God will bless me with a husband one day, however how can I expect Him to bless me with a mate that I can’t stay devoted too?

Many people don’t take courting seriously. Some believe it doesn’t hold as much weight as a married relationship. It’s not marriage, but in any relationship you engage in – and you proclaim to be a Christian – you are to uphold the same morals and values. It is cheating if you are not married. The action of dishonesty makes it so.

Until Next Time

It's All About Me

I know that if God has given a commandment, then I have no choice but to obey, if I expect to stay in His will. But what happens when I don't?For this writing, I don't want to look at the personal consequences of my actions; I want to notice the affects on other people.

The focus of my new book deals with the effects of our actions on other people. If we know we are to do something, why don't we do it? Commonly, we feel uncomfortable. We feel out of place. We feel like we are inadequate. (Notice the "we". Or let's just replace "we" with "I".) Many times we act without thinking about the consequences of our actions--on other people. We have become so selfish that we'd rather not bother with looking at our neighbor because we refuse to get out of the mirror.

So, what happens when our selfishness reigns over our ministry for other people? What happens when we refuse to move beyond "me" to focus on "how will this affect her or him or them?"? What needs to happen in order for a shift to occur?

The subject of sin is one thing. The issue of the personal consequences of our sin is one thing. But the thought of our actions affecting other people--WHOA!!! In order for us to be affective in anything, we have to move beyond "me"; that is the only way we can be as influential as we ought.

There's more to come on this subject, but I think I'll leave it like this for you to chew on...

For scripture references around this subject, head to I Chronicles 21, Joshua 7, and the book of Jonah.

Take the Advice

I was always taught to respect my elders. When you think elders, you think the people older than you. However, would you apply that to someone in the Christian faith. Would you respect an "elder" someone who has been a Christian longer than you yet physically younger than you. One thing that I find is that older people from time to time will not stop and listen to what I have to say. Honestly, even though I may not have been born before an "older" person, I was reborn before them. I have studied longer and harder. I have been living for Jesus longer. I have seniority in the kingdom.
God uses all kinds of people to get his message out. Whether it be a rich man or a poor man, a child or an adult. It is up to us to take heed with the lessons and messages He sends us and not make it about a physcial age or a certain income. If you have found your self only willing to listen to people who are older than you (physically), or perhaps higher ranking in the church and ignore others you may think "doesn't know what their talking about" now is the time to stop! You must realize that God is in control and he can use anyone. Bottom line, have the same respect across the board for all Christians trying to spread the word of God. Keep and open mind and open heart. Do not turn a deaf ear to a person just because they don't meet your standards. I once heard my aunt say, "I'm glad God don't use the same standards I use when accepting people, non of yall would be saved."

Jeremiah 1

Demolish, and Then Start Over

^{1 -4} The Message of Jeremiah son of Hilkiah of the family of priests who lived in Anathoth in the country of Benjamin. God's Message began to come to him during the thirteenth year that Josiah son of Amos reigned over Judah. It continued to come to him during the time Jehoiakim son of Josiah reigned over Judah. And it continued to come to him clear down to the fifth month of the eleventh year of the reign of Zedekiah son of Josiah over Judah, the year that Jerusalem was taken into exile. This is what God said:

⁵"Before I shaped you in the womb,
I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day,
I had holy plans for you: A prophet to the nations—
that's what I had in mind for you."

⁶But I said, "Hold it, Master God! Look at me.
I don't know anything. I'm only a boy!"

^{7 -8}God told me, "Don't say, 'I'm only a boy.'
I'll tell you where to go and you'll go there. I'll tell you what to say and you'll say it.
Don't be afraid of a soul. I'll be right there, looking after you."
God's Decree.

^{9 -10}God reached out, touched my mouth, and said,
"Look! I've just put my words in your mouth—hand-delivered! See what I've done? I've given you a job to do
among nations and governments—a red-letter day! Your job is to pull up and tear down,
take apart and demolish, And then start over,
building and planting."

Be Encouraged

There is nothing like encouragement. It's something we all need especially when things seem to be going all wrong and your trying to live right. As a C.O.U.Sin (Christian Overcoming Ugly Sin) I completely understand how someone saying "great job, continue to follow Jesus, your staying stead fast and you'll be blessed" could help you to keep going. It is important that we have each other's backs as Christians. It is our duty to be a good brother or sister to one another. This is a race of life and just like we would do anyone running a race, we must cheer each other on.
I been reading Thessalonians and it was two books encouraging the people there to be strong and not to give up. Paul was saying how he was proud of them and brag on them. He also told them that he admired the way they continued to follow God despite all the bad things happening to them. One thing I like about what Paul said was that he made it clear that when God sends you through things and you are apart of His kingdom, He is getting you ready for something bigger.
I say to you, if you are reading this, I can only assume that you are trying to live right. I can only assume that God means more to you than anything. I can only assume that you are trying to be a good and faithful servant. I say today to keep going. Don't stop because things get hard. Its called character building. Its getting you ready for something bigger. I encourage you to stay strong and continue serving the Lord with all your heart and lead not to your own understanding.

2 Thessalonians 1

^{3 -4}You need to know, friends, that thanking God over and over for you is not only a pleasure; it's a must. We have to do it. Your faith is growing phenomenally; your love for each other is developing wonderfully. Why, it's only right that we give thanks. We're so proud of you; you're so steady and determined in your faith despite all the hard times that have come down on you. We tell everyone we meet in the churches all about you.

Until Next Time...

Reconstruction

Audio Version


One of the most important thing that happens in your walk with Jesus is establishing and maintaining a relationship with God. It is a love relationship that is needed so that He can speak to you and you understand everything He is saying. January of this year I have actually put in work into my relationship with God and it is amazing. He is closer and better than any friend I have ever had. He has never let me down, and he always keeps in 110% with me. I like that....sometimes. Since I have opened my life and allowed God to move, He has shifted somethings, taken away something, moved me out of certain situations and into new ones, softened my heart and so much more. And with all this reconstruction its left me better than I once before. Though I like my new look and my new life, I can't help but admit it wasn't easy accepting what God had for me.
I understood what He was trying to do in my life. He needed to make a new me. He needed to get rid of all those unnecessary layers and characteristics about me. He needed to remove people out my life and put some folks around me more like-minded. He needed to break me down to see that I can't do this living thing all by myself. Again, this transformation, this reconstruction was not easy and it felt very uncomfortable. Nevertheless, it was necessary to go through in order for God to be able to do with me what He wants to do with me.
My process is far from over, my question to you is has yours even begun. God wants the best for us. God wants to bless us so that we may be able to go out tell others about His goodness. However, He is not going to send just any body. He needs to send trusted workers in Christ as representatives of His teachings and the Christian faith.
I challenge you began working on your relationship with God and allow Him to reconstruct your life. Its a never ending process but it consistently makes you better than the day before.

Psalms 51 7-15
7 -15 Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean,
scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don't look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I'll let loose with your praise.

Until Next Time

Interaction

At some point you need to sit back and check out the interaction you have with all people. Are you the type of person who prefers to only be around people who look like you, who are from the same tax bracket, who matches your style of dress, who speaks your language, who been to college, who are from a certain area? Is this you? If so, its really time to check yourself. As a Christian, it is our job to interact with everyone and draw all souls to Christ. Not just the people we went to school with, or the people we feel comfortable around.
Jesus didn't have a certain people he ministered to. Everyone's soul and salvation was important. Whether it be a rich man or a poor man - healthy or sick. In reality, everyone needs Christ and it starts with people being able to see the Christ in you.
Do not be the type of Christian who will only witness in comfort zones. Step outside of your bubble and lend a helping hand to someone who looks nothing like you. Tell someone about Christ even if they are a millionaire and you barely have a dime in your pocket. Don't discriminate when in comes to the Lord.

James 2
1 -4My dear friends, don't let public opinion influence how you live out our glorious, Christ-originated faith. If a man enters your church wearing an expensive suit, and a street person wearing rags comes in right after him, and you say to the man in the suit, "Sit here, sir; this is the best seat in the house!" and either ignore the street person or say, "Better sit here in the back row," haven't you segregated God's children and proved that you are judges who can't be trusted?

Until Next Time...

Letting the Good Get Away

Life throws so many curve balls, that sometimes thats all we expect. We fail to isolate situations and began to believe that everything we go through will have the same outcome. This is true especially in relationships. Its funny how people pray and pray for a mate to come into their lives, and when God does send someone, they push the person away. In Songs of Solomon that is exactly what the woman did.

Songs of Solomon 5
4 -7 But my lover wouldn't take no for an answer, and the longer he knocked, the more excited I became. I got up to open the door to my lover, sweetly ready to receive him, Desiring and expectant as I turned the door handle. But when I opened the door he was gone. My loved one had tired of waiting and left. And I died inside—oh, I felt so bad! I ran out looking for him But he was nowhere to be found. I called into the darkness—but no answer. The night watchmen found me as they patrolled the streets of the city. They slapped and beat and bruised me, ripping off my clothes, These watchmen, who were supposed to be guarding the city.

This woman's lover came to her house and stood outside a long time pleading for her to open the door. Instead, she started playing games with him. Eventually he got tired and when she did finally open the door, he was gone. There are men and women appointed to our lives by God, standing outside the door to our hearts. Instead of letting them in we allow past situations to dictate our behavoirs. Some of us don't see it as being real. However, if you keep playing around with God's blessing, by the time you finally see this person is for you, he or she could and will be gone.

Appreciate the man or woman in your life that you know God has appointed for you, and do not let them get away.

The Supporter

We all come to a point in any relationship where you play the role of the supporter. It is your job to be there and assist the other person with the trials and tribulations in their lives. It is your duty to be that witness and tell the other that its going to be okay and to trust the Lord that He will make a way out of no way. For me, I'm playing that role now.
This role requires strength and God would have never put me in this position if He felt I could not handle it. With days passing, I began to wonder what is happening? I pray for more strength to keep going and be that God appointed person (the supporter) in my situation, but I believe I am starting to break down. As I go through my own trails in life, it becomes harder to be "the supporter" for someone else. However, from reading Songs of Solomon Chapter 4, I was reminded of true love. I was reminded of the love Christ had for us and the trails He went through is far more greater than anything I will ever endure. I was reminded that even though Jesus had his own situations to deal with, He still was there for everyone around Him.
If you are playing the supporter role right now in life, count it an honor that God choose you. Remember your help cometh from the Lord. Stay continually prayed up and never falter in your walk. Keep the faith and God will bless you.

Philippians 4:6-7
^{6 -7}Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Until Next Time....

Dont Rush What You Are Not Ready For

I must start off by saying saying Songs of Solomon is a better read than any romantic novel I have ever read. In today's chapter the woman is talking about missing her man. But she missed him horribly. So much that she got up, got dressed, roamed the city in search of him. The police stopped her, she asked them where her man was. And soon after that she found him. But again, like chapter 2, she warns ladies do not stir up love or seek after it unless you are prepared for the back lash.

In this instense we talk about love, but what about other situations. Many of us want so bad to be in an organization, or get a job, or be in the lime light but we are not ready. With more opportunities come more responsibilities. It is important that we are ready and we wait for God to move us in certain situations. Many times people like to act off their own free will and do whatever it is that they want to do. They are often left looking crazy and dazed when things don t work out as planned. To tie this all back into Songs of Solomon, we see by the woman's actions that her extreme passion for Solomon had her up in the middle of the night searching for him.

Songs of Solomon 3: 1 -4 Restless in bed and sleepless through the night, I longed for my lover. I wanted him desperately. His absence was painful. So I got up, went out and roved the city, hunting through streets and down alleys. I wanted my lover in the worst way! I looked high and low, and didn't find him. And then the night watchmen found me as they patrolled the darkened city. "Have you seen my dear lost love?" I asked. No sooner had I left them than I found him, found my dear lost love. I threw my arms around him and held him tight, wouldn't let him go until I had him home again, safe at home beside the fire.

Looking back, I'm sure you have done some crazy things not only for the one you loved, but for a situation you wanted so badly to work out. Remember to make sure GOD is first in all your pursuits. Make sure you are in the will of God when you find yourself going to the extreme for someone or a situation. Until Next time....

Ready for Love

Some people seek after love and the feeling and emotions behind falling in love. I would be the first to tell you that it does feel good to fall in love with someone. However, we must be wise when love comes. I learned in my study today to not seek after falling in love. Wait for your time.

Songs of Solomon 2:
⁷ Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem,
by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer: Don't excite love, don't stir it up,
until the time is ripe—and you're ready.

There is a lot that comes with being in love that most of us do not realize. True, love is an emotion. But love is a powerful emotion. It is an emotion that can affect moods and change attitudes. It dictates actions and if love is under the wrong pretenses or its one sided it can become dangerous.

We learn in the verse above that wait for love. Do go picking at it. Work on you and make sure you are in a good position to handle love. To know love is to know Christ. (Let that settle in you spirit) Until next time.....

Love Talk

When you sit back and think about it, love is a wonderful thing. Many times we forget that. We forget about how it feels to be passionate about another human being. Some people have felt it before and had bad experiences in the end result, however, I'm sure they would be willing to admit when they were going through the time when love was in the air, life seemed so sweet.

I am currently reading Song of Solomon, the love book. Its honestly pure poetry. The words written made my heart jump twice. It was so romantic.

Songs of Solomon 1:

^{2 -3} Kiss me—full on the mouth!
Yes! For your love is better than wine,
headier than your aromatic oils. The syllables of your name murmur like a meadow brook.
No wonder everyone loves to say your name!

In chapter one, we are introduced to a couple that is in engaging in conversation. They are telling each other how they feel for one another. Their communication is so sweet. I remember my past relationships how things started off that way and quickly died down. The thought I received from reading this is not only should we speak to our lovers in this manner, but we should take the same care with speaking to our fellow neighbors. So many time we show no respect for the people who are commonly around us. We use different tones, we use different gestures. A lot of the time we do not even smile.

One reason why some celebs are well liked is because they are so "nice". Niceness wins every time. Consider that next time you get read to speak to a person. Use love talk. Until Next time!

My BFF

My BFF is Shelton. I've had a few close friends in my day, but I have never had a friend like him. After reading my studies today, it made me realize how good of a friend he really is and how I should cherish the friendship. In my line of work, I come across a lot of people who will put on the mask of friend to either get close to me or get something from me. As long as I have known Shelt, he has never been the type to want to take advantage of me and for that I thank God.

The Bible tells us that we are to love and respect our friends. They tell us the truth in love. They have seen all sides of us and know our true situation. They stand beside us when things are not going so well and they shine with us when things are going well. Many times people like to listen to by standers over friends. Mainly because bystanders will tell you what you wanna hear. Growing up, I moved around A LOT so I really didn't have the opportunity to make friends. Because of that, when I did make friends I wasn't all that sure how to be a good friend to someone else.

The best example of a friend is Jesus. It is important that we have a relationship with Christ. He can do things physical friends can do. Jesus did not let anything happen to his disciples during his time on earth. He spent his whole life being a friend. Which brings up a good question. What kind of friend are you? Remember, in order to be the ultimate best friend, you have to know the word of God. Honestly and devotion are very important in friendships. And though a friendship is great to have amongst ourselves, it is better to be a friend to God like Abraham.

James 2:23-24: 23 And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God.24 Ye see then how that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only.

Take some time out and examine your friendships. Let your friend know you appreciate them. If you have not been a good friend, study the word and see what you need to do about changing. Until next time...